I do not know
by daistiny
Summary: Everyone said that in time everything would pass, that the delusions and tears would take on another meaning, but not for the Fon Ronsemburg twins.


I DO NOT KNOW

 _ **You do not listen to things you do not need**_

 _ **If there is a truth we only know it**_

 _ **These things are known only if they are lived**_

 _ **What you carry inside is not forgotten**_

 _ **While time passes also disappointments and tears**_

 _ **They lose color and then dissolve**_

 _ **Throw down that wall from me, do not defend yourself**_

 _ **What reason and anger do not always win**_

Forgive, forget how could it be? Basch, Ashe, Ondine and Noah knew it well, everyone had a reason to hate each other, a rage so old that for years it had conditioned their lives. As each of them could have a more or less high position, a personality, point of view and way of being unique. All four were very similar to each other.

Without knowing it they had many things in common. The truth ... everyone knew his truth, so he gave the justifications for their choices, moreover it was also true that certain things would understand them only by living moment by moment. However, for some it was not living, in fact it was only a conviction. Something they were trying to escape from.

The anger, the resentment would not have disappeared so overnight, everyone knew, except two individuals, in particular.

Noah and Basch had a strong feeling for more than twenty years, one anger and regret the other. Everyone said that in time everything would pass, that the delusions and tears would take on another meaning, but not for the Fon Ronsemburg twins.

To dispel their feelings and old faults, something else would have to happen for those two, different and similar in all. They would have had to throw down all their defenses, but they barely did it.

they did not communicate their points of view with words, irremovable on their principles like the mountains. They let their weapons speak, which clashed in a duel also made of low blows.

They were used to talking like that. They would not have won their feelings as someone of their knowledge had in vain tried to make them reason. Their "wanting to be right at all costs" had taken over everything else. He had made them blind.

 _ **You will remember the evenings not to think**_

 _ **And you will regret in a thought to return**_

 _ **And if you do not understand, remember that you can change**_

 _ **Would you ever say that it was us**_

Only the good old days would have remained of them, the happy moments of their adolescence and the warm evenings of Landis, their dear homeland. Lost forever.

They bitterly regretted their homeland they loved, it was dear to them. Now they could not return.

One regretted her for losing her forever and the other for not being able to defend her. Someone had suggested to Basch, along his pilgrimage to Dalmasca, that if he did not immediately understand the reason for his loss and his reckless gesture of his escape, he would see things differently in time.

He would have never said it, in twenty years of life, it would have changed so deeply compared to the vagabond that it once was.

 _ **I do not know In my journey where I will arrive**_

 _ **I do not know**_

 _ **For the road what I will find**_

 _ **But I know**_

 _ **Which from inside my heart**_

 _ **You can not escape**_

 _ **You will be in every thought I will have**_

Noah knew it, where his journey would take him after the painful separation from his brother with whom he shared a very strong bond.

It was his half, whose complicity was unique. He was a part of himself different and independent, another if. Now what road would fate make him take?

Noah for how much he wanted to escape and run away, to reach his twin, could not in any way.

He did not feel like turning his back on his mother, to whom he owed. She had put her in the world and despite their humble condition, she had not let him miss anything. Noah was very fond of him, much more than Basch proved to be with his mother.

Lost Landis, Noah had decided to go to Archades in agreement with his mother. Perhaps there he could have a new life. The only relatives he had are right there.

No one was left in Landis after the death of his father and his grandparents.

Noah knew well what feelings he felt towards the one who in his time of need had turned his back on him. He felt pure and simple hate.

As much as he struggled to distance himself from his negative feelings and the anger he felt as his brother, Noah could not forget.

From his heart he could not escape. The constant thought of his brother in mind, he accompanied him constantly, guided him every day in every gesture.

 _ **The beautiful moments are also the most difficult**_

 _ **When they lose their lucidity**_

 _ **You will have to pay me if you want to convince me**_

 _ **That happiness was not true**_

What Noah was going through was the most critical and difficult moment in life.

The journey from Landis to the capital of Archades had proved more complicated than expected.

Her mother's condition had worsened, that long journey of hope had not helped her at all. Noah remembered the hunger and hardship he had felt all along the way, along with the scorching disappointment given him by Basch.

Coward, that's what Basch had been! The continuous humiliations that Noah received from others, did nothing but increase his hatred of his condition. Only one thing saved him from that desperation, his mother.

It was the only positive, to which he clung desperately with all his strength.

The only one able to bring it back to reason was what kept it still firm. No other person would have been able to bring him back to reason. Not even his twin.

Then when Noah found himself face to face with his brother, the "fortress of the heavens", his anger exploded. He shouted at her, trying to claim the offense he had suffered years before.

Basch had tried to bring him back to reason but in vain, once again their weapons were talking.

He had become the only reason that still led Noah to live, once he had lost everything. He envied the ease with which his twin, Basch, got up and moved on whatever the situation or condition he was in.

Basch had to be the one in pieces, not him. How was all this possible? Noah could not give himself an answer.

 _ **And you'll find yourself in the evenings by the sea**_

 _ **And you will not forget because I called you love**_

 _ **If you do not understand, remember that you can come back**_

 _ **Would you ever say that it was us**_

What had happened to him, Noah wondered. He remembered the evenings by the sea with his brother, their games, the shared secrets and their complicity. That being part of something, that was precluded to others, but not to them.

Basch was his half. It was what Noah wanted to be and should have been. Could he, Noah Fon Ronsemburg turn out to be more fragile than his older brother?

Noah did not forget the affection he felt towards his twin, his hugs and handshakes. He was his half, his friend and his confidant.

The shoulder on which to lean. Here's what Basch represented for Noah.

They had shared everything, had something that others would have paid gold for it. A harmony and a unique complicity. This meant for him, being twins.

Something exclusive. Then that escape, it was like a vile stabbing behind. Never forgotten, everything had changed.

Noah would never have understood, that you could change, retrace your steps, this had happened when it was too late.

 _ **I do not know**_

 _ **In my journey where I will arrive**_

 _ **I do not know**_

 _ **For the road what I will find**_

 _ **But I know**_

 _ **Which from inside my heart**_

 _ **You can not escape**_

 _ **You will be in every thought I will have**_

 _ **I do not know**_

 _ **If in a new day I will change too**_

 _ **I do not know**_

 _ **If that day I'll forget you**_

 _ **But I know**_

 _ **What for now my heart**_

 _ **He does not want to know**_

 _ **You are in every thought I have**_

Noah did not know it yet, where his grudge would have brought him, in the end, even if with an existence marked by anger and hatred, he had managed reluctantly to find a certain peace.

Even Basch's journey had not been so serene in those years he had spent far from his brother.

And only in the last moments of her twin's life, Basch and Noah had said what they had not managed to say for so many years.

Neither had managed to escape from their respective feelings, they both understood it well. Although in a fairly convoluted and perverse way Basch had never detached himself from the figure of Noah, and how his twin often found himself thinking about it.

Both hoped to change their condition, as both in the past had lost hope and then find it again. I wonder if one day they could have forgotten all their suffering.

Their hearts did not follow their logic, they did not want to forget ... the only thing he wanted was their only fixed nail.

For Noah it was Basch. But for Basch it was always different. Once again Noah wanted to be the only fixed point in his brother's life. In the end, with his death, Noah had succeeded in his intent, Basch would have lived his life in his place.

 **end**


End file.
